Drama seems to find me, despite my efforts to thwart it

OK, so I've had so much pent up anger over stupid family drama that I felt a need to to outlet these feelings in writing. Yesterday was kind of a catalyst, although nothing significant actually occurred. Most of the "action" is over, luckily. But as I've learned in the past, things seem to be brought back up from months ago.

I can deal with the fact that a couple members of my in-law clan don't like me; it's alright, because I surely don't like them. The difference between them and I? I'm actually cordial and polite to those I dislike and I certainly don't seek to stir trouble with them. The same can't be said about them, this much is for sure. These people will remain unnamed, for sake of inciting further ignorant drama. However, their actions and words do not surprise me at all - I've come to expect such things from them because I see the circumstances and conditions that surround them and I can empathize. That's another difference between them and I (among countless others) - empathy - I have it, they don't. The ability to see things from other perspectives is a strength, in my opinion, and I am lucky enough to possess that quality. But again, these hostile in-laws are utterly and completely predictable, thus their actions/words are nothing beyond an annoyance.

On the other hand, when you go out of your way to be nice to a certain in-law and you truly believe a mutual friendship exists, things change quite a bit. Yesterday, I learned that this person, whom I truly cared for, actually believes a ridiculously vicious rumor about me. I won't go into the ridiculously stupid details of this ignorant accusation, again, for the sake of inciting further drama. What kills me is that if this person actually believes this stupid LIE, it got me thinking, what else does she believe about me? If this person believes this ridiculous lie, she thinks that I am a bad person. If I am capable of what I was accused of, that is the only conclusion that can be drawn - I am a morally corrupt person. Now, for this person to believe that about me is firstly, extremely hurtful. I actually cared for this person - I go out of my way to show her how much I care for her and I thought we had a mutually respectible friendship. The disappointment that I felt when I learned that this apparently was not the case cannot be fully described in words; it's extremely unfortunate. Secondly, what kills me beyond anything is that I've never proven to possess these "morally corrupt" qualities with this person in the past, so how could she believe that I am capable of such an outlandish accusation? Don't you have to AT LEAST have a questionable past to become prone to accusations?! I'm not saying it's right, but typically, if you have a bad reputation, that stigma follows you around for a long time. People will always assume that you have not changed, that you're up to your "old ways." Of course, I am a firm believer that people can change - we are all guilty of sinning, but we are all also capable of changing ourselves for the better. Finally, the hypocricy is the worst - this person has made HUGE mistakes in her life and anybody else looking in would call her the morally corrupt person, so the hypocricy in believing the worst of ME is a tough pill to swallow.

I've noticed, especially with family, they are extremely quick to believe the worst about me. Like, even though I've showed them no indication that I'm a bad person, through my actions or words, they want to assume that I am a bad person anyway. I struggle with this fact because I can't surely answer why that is. If you ask my mom, she'll say, "they are all jealous of you." But is that really it?! Is it simple, petty jealousy that lowers people's behavior in this way? It can't be, it just can't be! There must be more! I mean, wouldn't these in-laws WANT to see me and my husband happy and successful? It doesn't make sense that they wouldn't - it goes against everything I ever believed in. I have always been taught to be happy for others, family or otherwise, and it is difficult for me when I don't find that quality in others - it's just unnatural!

Anyway, for the sake of sounding like a corny philosopher, I'll end this post here. I've learned so much about love, marriage, family and respect in the last 6 years - more than I bargained for even. I wouldn't change a thing; these learning experiences have shaped me into the person I am today, which is awesome. I'm truly comfortable in my mind, in my body and in my soul. I cry happy tears when I think about everything God has given me; it's as if God singles me out for His favor. Sometimes I wonder, what have I done to deserve all of His favor? I feel like I am lacking, like there is more that I can do. And so I WILL try to do more; all I can do is trust in God that I am following the path He's set for me and do my best to stay on it. I am deeply in love and at peace.